TRAUMATIC STORY OF MY CHILDHOOD: FROGS

Before I get started extrapolating how horrible my parents were to me on this significant day in my childhood, I want to let you know that I have the greatest parents on earth; they just have really sick senses of humor.

On a sunny day in the lovely town of Biloxi, Mississippi my parents went out on a little adventure. Before this historical day in my past I had no serious fears or phobias in my life. I was about 6 years old. Well, living in Mississippi had its surpluses of disgusting wildlife; like giant cockroaches that jumped out of the sewers and big, lumpy, gross toads. We also had a neighborhood playground that was made completely of un-finished wood. I have many awesome memories of my Mom pulling splinters out of my fingers in the front yard as I screamed my head off, but we wont go there.

My parents, on their nice walk, decided to catch about a dozen of the ugliest toads known to mankind and bring them home for their children's viewing pleasure! They put up a gate to block the entrance in our kitchen and let the toads loose. My brother, being a boy, ate that shit up. I, being a scared girl, sat on top of the counter nervously combing My Little Pony's hair and looking down on the floor of hell. The toads were everywhere, jumping on top of each other and trying to escape up the cabinets.

I was terrified but I had no idea how my life was going to take a turn that day. Being six, I had no idea a life could take a turn in the first place. God, how my parents took advantage of my pre-adolescent innocence. I remember my parents cooly asking me to "just go down there and touch that cute little baby toad in the corner". What motivated me to get my little kid guts up and take that walk of shame, I have no idea. I climbed down off the counter and made my way over to the baby toad in the corner. I dodged and jumped over all the big gross ones. I kneeled down and looked at the little guy..."Awwww, he's not that bad" I thought. I slowly extending my pointer finger out to touch him, in slow motion....and thump, thump, thump. I felt a pounding on my little back.

My asshole parents had picked up all the disgusting, lumpy, slimy toads when my back was to them and thrown them on me.

I don't remember much from that point on. I remember I was completely traumatized and ran out of the room screaming. I probably cried for weeks. I was just as big of a drama queen then as I am today.

It is safe to say that my phobia of frogs and toads that still lives deep in my SOUL is due to my parents sick sense of humor. My mom is reading this right now, cracking up...just like when I tumbled down a steep hill doing somersaults for 60 feet. Aren't you mom?

While I agree that this story is hilarious and I probably would of done the exact same thing to my kid, my phobia is still very severe. I'm getting nauseous just writing about the disgusting creatures.

My parents are assholes. But it's okay, I still love them. I am just going to wait until the day they are old and wearing Depends for my revenge. And it is going to be AWESOME.